SPACE IN YOUR TOGETHERNESS
My favorite quote or mantra about relationships is an excerpt from the Khalil Gibran poem, “Let There Be Space in Your Togetherness.”
I have a lot of thoughts on partnership and marriage and I often think about the role it has played in history. As evolved humans, we have created a new paradigm of partnership that sometimes works, but often does not. How do we find the balance of loving and nurturing each other the way that we were intended to? Without taking away each other’s strength, how do we find space to be the people that we love within ourselves? How do we maintain this internal feeling long term?
Speaking on behalf of relationships, how do we not lose ourselves as the years go by? Not trying to please or bend backwards, to ensure that the other person doesn’t leave. It is my lifelong journey to find that specific space inside of a relationship. How do we make enough time for friends? How do we ensure that we have enough independent and alone time with our children? How do we teach our kids that being a strong individual doesn’t take away from your partnerships. Instead, it can make them grow and evolve. This is a 1000 year journey and as I’ve talked to many couples that have been in long term relationships, I also take the time to speak to people who from the outside who have “failed,” but have lived to see another day and create a new story.
There is no rule book on how to be a great partner, so often bump around, hurting each other, and ultimately hurting ourselves. Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom," writes “raw skin, pain bodies, rubbing up against each other.” We do this through a hurtful lack of communication, over pleasing, and unrealistic expectations. We feel like princesses locked in a tower waiting for our prince to come save us. Eventually disappointment turns into resentment.
We only stand up tall and pump our chest out when we are ready to leave, but it’s the extremes that give us the out. Living our lives completely for our partner and losing the very essence of why we fell in love with them. On the opposite end of that statement, we could also living our lives selfishly and behave like we are completely single, despite being in a relationship.
But it’s the middle ground, the grey area, and being able to confidently stand in the front of the room, with legs spread wide enough to balance, but also to keep you in motion.
I shape shift for you, and step into whatever role you needed me. Even when it wasn't comfortable, best for my career, or my life outside of US, but I ALWAYS operate with US in the front of my mind. I've only wanted what was best for OUR family.